Minding Our Words
by Ellen Tadd
Telepathy is the language of communication in the spiritual realm. Imagine knowing the thoughts of all the people
around you and having all your thoughts revealed without speaking. No one could manipulate or pretend to be other than who
they are. All our motivations, fears, and loves would be exposed. Here on earth, our thoughts also influence our lives and
the environment around us in significant ways, but not as quickly or as completely. We need to rely on verbal and written
words to express our thoughts and how we give voice consciously or unconsciously has great power. Words can heal, words can
harm, words can motivate, words can discourage, impacting the quality of all our relationships. I often feel that words are
very much like knifes or fire. They are important tools, but if misused they can quickly turn destructive.
People often express words without giving
them a thought, like "I'm fine" when they actually feel in turmoil or physically ill? Using words unconsciously
can make it difficult to experience connection with others, and yet, telling everyone all the details of our inner life is
not appropriate, nor do we have enough time to have deep and substantive conversations with all the people that we interact
with in a day. Recognizing the power of words, how can we use them with integrity and appropriateness? Here is a silly little
example. When people ask me, "How are you?" My most recent response has been "I am many things." I've
decided that this answer is honest, up beat, but not too revealing in the midsts of a quick interaction. Often people laugh.
I'm simply suggesting that being thoughtful in how we use language is important, even in a causal conversation. Words can
be used unconsciously without the awareness of their influence, unscrupulously to mislead, or skillfully to navigate beneficial
outcomes. But surely we can't live a life of integrity, one of actualizing our best, without minding our words.
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for people
to tell others what they want to hear, because of the desire to be liked or to avoid conflict. We live in a culture where
lying has become an accepted epidemic, the manipulation of words to get what we want without regard to the consequences for
others or the world at large. At the other extreme, many repress their words for fear of causing emotional pain, the fear
of being judged, or simply a lack of confidence. Either holding back our personal expression or aggressively using language
for only personal gain leads to an array of problems. A mature approach to the wise use of language considers others, while
simultaneously demands that we develop a tough skin, in order to become comfortable to have the frank yet loving conversations
necessary to support each other's growth and to hold us all accountable for our behavior.
Through the years I've heard many stories from clients who don't
feel free to openly express themselves for fear of losing their job or sending a relationship into turmoil. Just think of
the news stories about Harvey Weinstein and the large number of women who have been afraid to talk about how he misused his
power to take advantage of them. This brings up a fundamental question. What is more important getting what we want
or actualizing our best? If getting what we want is the primary goal, then it becomes much easier to become a victim. My spiritual
guides who have been my teachers define fulfillment as self-actualization, rather than our cultural definition of getting
what we want. This is not to say that we should all blurt out all our feelings, but rather to recognize from a spiritual perspective
that this is our earth school and circumstances are put before us for our lessons to be learned.
I realize that using words wisely is not always easy. It requires
working through fears, such as the fear of rejection or the fear of hurting people's feelings. But ultimately the skill of
using words wisely supports self-esteem, deepens relationships, and contributes to a world where people can begin to trust
that what other's say is what they actually mean.
Ellen Tadd is an internationally known clairvoyant counselor who has been
teaching and counseling for more than forty years. She is widely respected for the integrity of her work, the accuracy of
her perceptions and guidance, and the clarity and usefulness of her teaching. Her work has been supported by the Edgar Cayce
Foundation, the Marion Institute, Deepak Chopra, Child Spirit Institute, the Institute of Noetic Sciences, and the Boston
Center for Adult Education, among others. Her work has been covered in Newsweek, and Tadd has lectured across the
country at colleges, universities, hospitals, and community groups. Tadd's first book, Death and Letting Go, appeared
on the Boston Globe bestseller list.