Earlier today, I was driving alone on I-84 W. I had my music playing and was thinking about the usual run of things I had to do. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was a foot deep in memories of my grandmother at Christmas. I don’t even know when my thoughts shifted to nostalgia and grief, but I was in it, and I passed my exit. This will be my first Christmas without her and the first without her home being a part of family traditions as it has been for the last 60 years.

December is filled with festivity: twinkle lights everywhere, fireplaces roaring, candles burning, cozy meals, gifts, and gatherings. For many, the focus is joy, cheer, and goodwill toward others. For some, this time of year feels like a heavy mantle of bereavement across their hearts rather than mistletoe and holly.

Grief, like winter, feels like too much darkness as it rules over the day. It can freeze us and slow us down. As the air is still and heavy, so too are thoughts that become reflective, nostalgic, and melancholy. Winter encourages us to learn that there’s nourishment that comes from darkness, though. Much like winter, grief challenges comfort and offers lessons in letting go, surrender, and the cycles of life and death. As winter changes the earth, grief, and loss, change us.

When we give ourselves permission to just be, it can shift our perception. Winter invites us to just be, to be still, to be heavy, to cry, to release, to journey through the darkness and trust that we will survive and that winter and death aren’t an end, just a change in form, a change in energy. The last couple of years have taught me a lot about loss, change, and death, as many I’ve spent my whole life loving are no longer here physically. Grief plunged me into the underworld and cracked my foundation in a big way. Although at times it felt desolate, it also was nurturing and inspiring.

So, how do we surrender to holidays and winter during bereavement? Here are some things to consider if you’re grieving during this time of year:

•      Emotions will ebb and flow. Feel them as they come up. Give them their moment. Tears, joy, sadness, or any other feelings that come up, it’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel. Take breaks when you need them, rest when you need to, or you may need to move around, dance, shake, stretch, and move the emotions through you. Be kind to yourself. Don’t judge your emotions.

•      There’s nothing you have to do or should do right now. Beating yourself up for not attending the office Christmas party or baking cookies like you always do isn’t helpful and will suck more of your energy. However, if it helps you to do everything you usually do, then do what feels right for you. The point is that there’s no right or wrong way to get through this time of year, anyway, especially when you’re facing your first holidays without a loved one.

•      Traditions and rituals are a big part of this time of year. Keep them or change them, create new ones; it’s okay. Navigating through familiar territory without your familiar loved one to share it with is tough, and it doesn’t need to be harder for you. Here are a couple ideas to incorporate your loved ones in spirit: Make a wreath with their photograph and their favorite ornament, treat, memorabilia, and colors. You could make a paper chain with messages to your loved ones in spirit or write down your favorite holiday memories of each person you remember on each paper loop. You may want to donate to a charity your loved one would have supported.

•      Get supported through this time. A friend, another family member, a minister, or a counselor, but know who you can turn to when you need support. Support might mean you need someone to bring you a meal, help you with decorating if you lost someone who helped you with that, or someone to go shopping with. It’s okay to ask for support.

•      Do make yourself a priority and practice self-care. Sleep, food, and hydration are essential. You may need to go for a walk, get a massage, take a bath, or get a Reiki session.

There’s so much more I’d love to expand on with ways to navigate through this time of year when dealing with grief. Two big takeaways are that whether it’s new grief or “old” grief, it’s still grief, and the holidays have a way of triggering so much heartache. Grief is a spectrum, and it isn’t on a timeline. Experience the pain that comes with grief. Don’t turn away from it. In the long run, healing will be on the other side, just like spring on the other side of winter.

I wish you all the love and light the season can offer. If you need someone to hold space for you during this time, or you’re looking for some self-care services, I’d kindly welcome you to look into booking services like Reiki, sound therapy, and crystal healing sessions at starbridgeholisticcenter.com 208-794-1111, 1111 Orchard St, Ste 111, Boise.

~~ See Events calendar for Dec. 10th & 30th classes ~~