What does it mean “to know someone”?

Humans are historical people.  We all have our histories of life experiences that when unexamined define us in the present moment.  Our histories are our stories of how we made past experiences relevant then and now.  Sometimes we HAVE our history story and sometimes our history story HAS us.  One of the great lessons of life is to learn to observe ourselves as historical story telling beings. We consciously or unconsciously create our experience of the present moment from the past – this we call our baggage.  Likewise, we project our experience of future possibilities beyond this present moment of NOW from our same history.  When we are aware of ourselves as the interpreter and creator of our history stories, we can reframe our past and grow emotionally.

We can then KNOW and HAVE our history and live in a mood of Aliveness and Joy.  Conversely when we do not know this we will be a repetition of our history and live in a mood of sadness and victimization. When we do not make this distinction, we live Hysterically, not historically. 

To KNOW yourself and someone else is to be aware of ourselves as creators and observers of our stories of historical events.  When we can share our stories, we are on the way of knowing our self and someone else.   

Conditions required to Know Someone:

1.    Interest – Demonstrating your personal concern of “For the sake of” CARING for yourself and the other.

2.   Safety – The Promise that what is revealed will not be used against the other at a future date; A conscious regard of sanctity; No gossiping; Honor; Vulnerability.

3.   Compassion – Willingness to share in the experience of pain and pleasure.

4.   Healthy Detachment – Always remembering what is learned about the other is “Their Story and not your story.” Listen without expressing a desire to HELP or CHANGE the other person.

5.   Respect – Listening without Judgment.

6.   Choice – Begin Anew, Now that I know this about this person do I want to stay.

To Know Someone is therefore always a Personal Growth Opportunity in our willingness to be Open and Granting Legitimacy to another’s Experience. Be Aware that when in the process of Learning To Know Someone, your own History of Interpretations’ will always be revealed.

To Know someone is therefore Learning to Learn together.

Be Well and have a great story!

Jim Collister